Stay on the path given me!

God is making me a new creation. 

One would think he would get tired of chasing after me.

I'm so thankful he has never given up on me. 

Instead he allows for growth, even through the pain. 

He knows that I am comfortable on the beaten path. 

The path that is well worn, with not too many curves!

He knows that if there is even a small rock on my path, 

I will trip right over it! 

The insecurity of going a different direction,

not knowing where it may lead... scares me!!!

Can even paralyze me! 

Many people think that I'm adventurous... probably because 

we've gone off the beaten path a few times to bring our babies home. 

But to be completely honest, 

every child God brought home to our family, 

we followed HIM in fear!  

Many times I've even had serious conversations with him, 

"If you want to close these doors - that'd be okay!" 

Yep.  

I did.

God shows us the journey HE has for each of us individually.

Even when it's not what we have dreamed or imagined!

Even when the path is painful and hard-

He is faithful and holds us closer.

His plans are so much bigger than our minds can fathom!

Isaiah 55:8

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are my ways your ways,

saith the Lord. 

Tag Team Parenting at it's best!

This wasn't the first time, 

and won't be the last, I'm sure! 

But to parent our kids for their individual needs  -

sometimes it means that Bryan and I go our different directions!! 

During the day Dad took us to a Car Show  -
a very, very hot Car Show!
 and some goofing off along the way!

Three little monkeys!!

This was Griggs' favorite!!

Hagan was getting over heated!!
Thankfully Big Brother is always willing to help him out!!


Mom bribed everyone with the promise of yummy popsicles if they had good attitudes!!

We love this shop downtown!!

After a relaxed dinner at home,

 Bryan took Conner, Donovan and Jorja to an FC Dallas soccer game! 

With fireworks!!
2-0 WIN for FC Dallas!!!
Whoop! Whoop!!

I took Jailyn, Elijah, Hagan, Laynee, Griggs and Miles to see a movie!! 

I wanted to see Toy Story 4, but they choose Secret Life of Pets!

and NO fireworks!!

and a some what normal bed time!

Some of our kids can enjoy fireworks up close,

and some can enjoy them from a far,

and some ... just the thought of fireworks causes incredible anxiety!!

Some of our kids can handle crowds, 

and some need small events,

and some need silence to be able to regulate themselves.

We're just a family trying to allow some kids to have bigger experiences and 

allow all of our kids to feel safe in their environment!

And though I had more kids with me,
I had some one the easiest! haha!
And definitely the ones who like taking selfies with momma!!

Fun and good memories were had by all!!
Isn't that what freedom is all about!! 

I am his adoptive mom.

I am his adoptive mom,

and am proud of it! 

I'm also his mom,

because in his life he has experienced 

unbelievable pain.

I'm his adoptive mom by choice.

My choice.

He didn't have a choice.

Two strangers walked into his life one day,

and he was introduced to them as 

"your mom and dad".

What?!!!

I mean, really, what must have gone through his mind.

"Ummmmm, NO!!!!"

"This is not my daddy."

"This is sooo not my mommy."

"And if they are - where have y'all been?"

Do you know what I've been through waiting for you?"

He has tried to allow me in but,

lately, my son has reminded me that I am NOT his mommy.

He has a momma that lives in a very special place of his heart.

A place where no one else can touch.

and no one else should even try to touch! 

To help my son heal sometimes we have to step back.

Step back and not push my desires on him.

My son has decided he'd prefer I introduce myself as his "adoptive mom". 

I am honored to have this title! 

Being his "adoptive mom" does not lessen our relationship,

but shows my son respect for his mommy.

It shows to my son that I am not trying to take his mommies place, 

but because she loved him so much and had to leave him too early -

I respect their relationship and this special part of his heart

that I never want to take from him.

"Adoptive mom" is not less than - 

it's just another relationship for him to slowly allow to 

open a different special place in his heart.

Together we can walk, love, and grow together!

"You brought the circus with you today"

This post has been on my heart for a while,

it's a hard post.

But, I have to share,

hopefully it will help someone.

Visiting new places with our family is always stressful!

We have to go over

 where we are going,

why we are going,

what the surroundings will be like,

who will be there...

and do this about 8 times!!! 

(9 if Conner is with us)

Going to a restaurant is stressful for some

because making choices are just too hard!

For some, the noise level is too much!

For some, just the excitement is too much! 

Everyone responds differently,

so mom is on point when we go out! haha!

Well, I try to be! 

So when we enter a supposedly friendly, welcoming place,

Kids are all behaving themselves,

and are actually all pretty nervous so they are 

attached to mom 

and very quiet...

and we get 

"You brought the circus with you today" -

 mom's blood kind of boils more then any of my kids!

I am sharing this, 

not to complain about a certain establishment,

I'm sure others there who are lovely,

but, I share to remind all of us -

when someone comes into our lives that may be 

a little different then what society says is "normal" 

please be kind! 

And think before you speak! 

And know that little ears, 

no matter how little - they hear! 

And their hearts hurt! 

Adopted again

A few Sunday's ago, 

during service, 

Hagan got off his chair, which is very difficult for him,

and with crazy excitement went to Dad.

Grabbed his knee and said,

"I want to be baptized!"

I was sitting infront of Dad, as our family is too large for one row. 

Seeing Hagan rush to Dad, 

thinking Hagan must have needed help with something...

Bryan and I turned to each other with huge smiles! 

"Awesome buddy, 

Let's talk after church!"

Hagan skipped back to his seat, 

and all but hopped into his chair

(very difficult to do in his brace,)

Bryan and I shared a look of excitement and also 

a giggle and a look of,
"okay, how do we make this happen!"

You see, we practice immersion baptism,

and well, Hagan can't get his brace wet

and he can't be without it and be vertical.

Best dilemma to have,
who cares,
OUR SON WANTS TO BE BAPTIZED!!!! 

We talked to Hagan over the next few days 

and on January 10th, 2017

Hagan prayed and asked Jesus into his heart!

Hagan wants to live for Jesus!

He knows that Jesus came to bear our sins, 

and offer us the gift of eternal salvation. 

John 3:16

For God so loved the world,

that he gave his only son to die.

That whoever believes in him should not perish

but, have everlasting life! 

I have to tell you, 

Hagan has changed since that sweet evening. 

He is still the sweet kiddo that he was, 

But there is something more...

Hagan has an inner joy now! 

He has a peace! 

He has a kindness 

that is only from the Holy Spirit! 

Next step is to get our boy baptism! 

Believe me we are not legalistic in our beliefs! 

No waiting for Hagan to get out of his brace, 

could be another 11 months! 

Adopted once into the Anderson family,

adopted again into the family of God! 

Praise God! 

My favorite gift this year

Y'all know that we have had a rough year,

especially trying to help our son Elijah 

with the hurts and pains that he is trying to make sense of...

Last week he came home with a gift.

Though I didn't think much of it - 

because well...

Elijah comes home with papers 

wrapped with paper,

and lots of tape 

every day! 

His "gifts" are usually just paper 

taped in paper.

It's the thought that counts, right?! haha! 

But this gift brought me to tears.

Thursday afternoon I had a phone meeting with a therapist,

discussing Elijah.

While I was on the phone, locked in my closet

(cause it's the only quiet place in our house).

I heard commotion in the other room,

so I had to cut our conversation short...

 After calming Elijah down and working through this episode with him...

he gave me one of his wrapped gifts...

but this one was different - 

it was a cute craft project,

and that sweet face that melts me! 

and this card,

that he actually wrote on...

and the last sentence...

this is what it is all about! 

"Thank you for my home."

Elijah still has issues with self worth.

But he is worthy to be loved,

to have a Christmas tree

and 

to have a home!!! 

My prayer is that more children find their forever families this year

and next Christmas will begin to understand 

that they too are worthy of love,

of God's love,

and are worthy of a 

home.

ohhhh the holidays... sigh!!

"Your children are so beautiful and so well behaved!'

This is a comment we received this past weekend when we went 

out to dinner for Hagan's birthday.

What they didn't see was that one child was missing.

He was there, but they couldn't see him.

You see, my son was overwhelmed with everything that day.

Actually, for the last few weeks.

Holidays are very hard on many kids from hard places.

Whether it's the inability to celebrate another person

and their successes,

or if it the hustle and bustle of the holiday season,

either way,

it's hard on them.

My son decided that instead of eating at the table with the rest of us,

he sat under the table  -

eating junk from under the table 

and from the floor. 

We often times had our parenting strategies questioned,

"why would you allow your child to do this?"

Well, I'll tell you why. 

It's for the safety of everyone around.

If we had pushed him further he would have had a complete meltdown,

screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting on anyone around.

I know this doesn't make sense to most people.

It didn't make sense to me when I saw things like this 

before I had a son who cannot regulate himself.

This doesn't make him a "bad" kid - but a kid who just can't regulate himself.

In the adoption community we have a phrase called, "cocooning".

Meaning we make our child's world as small as can be 

and keep that child near by.

This is often done early in the adoption process.

(what I would give to go back in time and get to my boy sooner in life!)

But, really with most kids from hard places this needs to happen often.

Because of lack of nutrients, lack of cuddling as an infant, lack of simple needs being met, and stress they experienced in the womb,

their brains are not formed like the average child.

When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze mode there is no moving forward

until they are ready. 

We just have to ride it out and deal with actions after their brains 

are processing the events correctly. 

Believe me, even if it doesn't look like we are being pro-active in our parenting - 

we definitely are!! 

Unfortunately, our parenting looks very different from others parenting.

Our children are hyper-vigilant so we have to be also -

to keep one step a head of them!! 

So, if you see an adoptive family,

not participating in normal activities,
especially this time of the year,

know that they are not all bah humbug -

but just trying to get through the season without too much trauma drama for everyone. 

What we will look like when we return home...

A conversation came up today from a good friend asking,

how soon he can love on our kids when they get home.

I loved this question,

as my friends are learning that we have to do things a little 

different when we bring our new kiddos home.

So, for those who are in our little community,

I thought I would share a bit of how we do things.

Our kiddos will only have known us for 2 weeks,

and even though we have been dreaming, praying and loving them

from a distance - 

they don't know us and haven't been dreaming about us!!

We are strangers to them.

Both Laynee and Miles have been in loving foster homes.

They will be grieving the loss of their families,

and everything else they have known all their lives -

smells, tastes, noises, 

and language to name a few!

I still don't know how these brave kids of ours do it!

I have a hard time being away from Chick-fil-A 

for 2 weeks! 

I can't imagine what they are going through.

So, with this -

we have to pull the kids closer to us!

They have to learn that we are their family

and learn the difference between family and friends.

They will be learning how our family works

and how our house runs.

Even Jailyn said today,

"I know that I can't feed or dress Laynee and Miles 

for 2 months, that is what you and Dad do for bonding...

but can I do it after 2 months?"

And that is a rule of thumb.

Our new kids need to learn that mom and dad are here to care for them

and meet their needs.

This can be time consuming and seem unnatural but it so worth the time for bonding.

The kiddos will be with either dad or I at all times.

We will be keeping the other kids daily schedule 

as normal as possible -

getting them to soccer and gymnastics,

and other activities,

and playing with friends. 

All along keeping Laynee and Miles near to us.

If things go as they have in the past,

we will be keeping close to home as much as possible.

Being away from our other kids for this long of a period -

regression can happen  -

so we pull everyone closer. 

We may be doing things differently than you would think 

we should be doing for and with a 5 year old and 3 year old,

but know that everything we do

is to begin to heal their wounds from their past 

and build the bond between all of us. 

We will be getting to know them also,

so sometimes we may not be communicating well - 

but we will be trying. 

And we will find a way to communicate with each other.

So, if you see us around town -

please say hi! 

We love to chat and introduce our kiddos to you,

but please do not pick them up 

or give them gifts at this time. 

We want them to know how special they are,

but we need this to come from the immediate family. 

We thank y'all for your prayers and excitement for us!

We are so excited to finally be bringing our babies home!

Thank you for understanding 

and being patient with all of us during this time of transition!

STUCK!!!!

Okay friends, I have another huge prayer request!!

This is about something that have been going on for 17+ months 

and innocent children are the ones who are being hurt!

Presently, there are over 500 children in the Congo who are waiting on their families.

These are not just children who are waiting to be found by their adoptive, forever families,

but children who have been matched, 

who have met, 

who have spent time with 

their forever families.

These children know that there is a family for them.  

These children are caught up in politics that they cannot understand.

All they know is that once again, 

someone has given up on them.

I know the pain that sending photos to Jorja too soon in our 

adoption journey to her did to her.

She continues to doubt that I will keep her safe, 

because I didn't keep her safe.

She still believes that she can conquer the world on her own, 

because that is what 

she had to do for too long.

If any of you have adopted from a country that requires two visits - 

you know the anguish

on both parents and children when you have to leave them from that first trip.

For us we were back in Ethiopia to our boys within weeks -

 and that was horrible for all of us...

and slowed our bonding and trust building!

But these children and families have been apart for over 500 days!!

My dear friends Kelly and Taylor Brewer began their adoption process through the Congo in

January of 2013.

They were matched with their boys in March 2013.

(they couldn't show their full faces -  because they weren't legally their children yet.)

They became the legal parents of Liam and Hank Brewer in May 2013!

Both the Congo and the USA agree and have signed paperwork 

that makes this adoption legal and binding.

The problem is that the Brewer's (and 500 other children)

are missing one piece of paper - 

EXIT Visa's for the boys to leave the Congo.

One little signature from immigration!

They have waited for this signature for over 17 months!!

Here is Liam now...

And Hank...

They have grown so much  

over the past 17 months!!!

The Brewer's are incredibly thankful to their agency 

for the good care that their boys have received,

but n.o.t.h.i.n.g. 

compares to the love of a family!

Please pray for these children who are STUCK in the Congo!!! 

Pray with us that this ban will be lifted and these children can get home where they belong!!

These families also ask that you take the time to sign this petition!!

It just takes a second,

but shows how many people are on their knees in prayer for these families.

Petition the Whitehouse

I am thankful...

As I laid in bed this morning,

trying to keep myself calm and regulated 

as I am being yelled 

rude, disrespectful words from a child of mine.

This child seems to enjoy 

purposefully waking everyone else in the household,

waaaaaaaay before the sun comes up...

I prayed and thanked the Lord,

for all of my younger children...

Thank you that my child who is manipulative and sneaky...

Thank you that my child can put up a wall 

to guard himself from any hurts.

Thank you for my child who is sassy, sassy, sassy.

Thank you for my child who fights.

Thank you for my child who is quiet 

and afraid to voice his needs.

Thank you for my child who is stubborn

and works it! 

SNAP! 

Thank you for all of these characteristics of my children,

because these are my kids 

survivor techniques

and 

the reason they made it out of the hell that 

they once lived. 

Thank you for bringing them home,

so that we can help them 

be vulnerable and know that no one 

will hurt them like that again. 

anyone ever tell you...

It seems that every where I turn people,

who have never adopted,

 are always telling horror stories about adoption.

You know,

"my friends, cousins, brother-in-law, 

adopted a child from some where in Africa.

That child was horrible,

he tore the family apart.

He wouldn't respect his parents from day one!

They should have seen the signs before 

they even paid for him."

Oh, yes!!! 

You get it!!!

This just hurts me so deeply!!

 Children who have never lived in a US average American family -

should not be expected to understand how to live in an average 

American family from day one!

They may not understand how to actually respond to unconditional love -

for a loooooooong time!!!!

Unfortunately, 

we do have our expectations.

Expectations that because we want them with us,

and we have longed to hold them for so long -

they should some how know this,

and respond appropriately!

But, you know what that is not how it works!!!

When we announced that we were adopting from Ethiopia,

people thought we were incredibly nuts!

Our first few years with Jorja home were not as easy 

as the first years with Jailyn.

But, you know, everyone has their own personality,

and their own history that needs to be worked through 

and not swept under the rug. 

As we continued through our paperwork for Ethiopia,

Jorja began to understand how long the paperwork process works.

When we saw the photos of our boys for the first time -

and started asking questions...

"I wonder what their giggles sound like?"

"I wonder if they will want to play soccer?"

"Will they like us?"

She understood that we did the same for her,

we cried for her to be home,

and we prayed and prayed for her.

There was so much healing in Jorja during our wait 

to bring home Donovan and Elijah!!!

Only God could use this wait to help Jorja heal.

I am putting a plead out there for y'all!!

If you meet an adoptive family,

or someone in the process,

or even someone thinking about adoption - 

please don't tell them horror stories,

be there to listen to them.

Listen to their concerns, fears, excitement

and encourage them to get connected to an Adoption Community

that can help them.

There is a lot of help out there -

it's just hard to look sometimes when you are in deep!

I don't believe that every one is called to adopt,

but everyone is called to care for the orphan!!

This is one way that you can care for the orphan and

for the entire family. 

I am so thankful to so many friends of ours who walk through 

this crazy life with us,

and don't judge us,

but instead encourage, and listen to all of my stories, concerns and fears.

Roller coaster

Ohhh my heart!! 

I don't know if I can handle this! 

While having a wonderful lunch with my friend Beverly,

(one reason why I love when school is in session! 

I get to see my friends!)

I realized that I had missed a call from our adoption agency,

finding myself climbing up another hill on the adoption roller coaster!

I listened to the voicemail 

and there was something they wanted to tell me about our Dossier.

(paperwork that is in China)

My heart dropped!!

And though I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch - 

I was seriously thinking it was going to 

come up

and make another,

not so pleasant appearance. 

After playing phone tag for hours...

We found out that our Dossier

is out of translation!!

This makes us one step closer to our babies!!!

Thank you Jesus!! 

Next step -

Review!!

Ohhh how I can't wait to hold my babies!!

A little boy that changed our life...

We've shared with y'all before how before we even left China

with Hagan and Griggs,

the Lord was already softening our hearts 

to the fact that our daughter was still in China.

We knew that we needed to find her,

and get working to bring her home as soon as possible!

So, of course, I was online looking at beautiful faces of 

soooo many waiting girls.

And we finally, 

through much prayer,

found our Maklayne Faith!

Knowing that we were ONLY going to adopt one child,

because that is what WE told God,

we were all excited to focus on bringing ONLY her home.

And praying for the other kids who's precious faces we 

had seen while searching for Maklayne!

Like this little guy, who caught my heart many months ago!

Little did we know  -

God again had different plans for us!! 

After many, many months went by,

and God working in us like only HE can work.

I was looking at another waiting child list and guess who I saw,

yep, 

this same little guy! 

Just waiting for his momma!

I was able to get his file,

and read through it! 

Yep, it's him!!

Through many more months of prayer and 

praying with our agency.

Doubting, hoping, doubting, listening  -

 God gave us peace and confirmation over and over again,

that this was our son!

We're incredibly excited to introduce to y'all our son,

Miles John

10 things not to say to an adopted child

10 things not to say to an adopted child or around an adopted child. 

I know that people mean well, and that people are curious.  Please realize that the questions you ask or comments you make can be hurtful to the child from hard places.  Some of the things that are said to us take hours... days... weeks and sometimes years to build trust within our children from hard places.   

1) "Do you know how lucky you are?"

Ohhh!!! How this one brings up hard, hard issues!   

Really, the child that this is being said to has been ripped away from everything he/she has known.  They have been torn away sometimes from their birth mother and/or father, sometimes even their siblings.  International adopted kiddos have lost their "family" too.  Their best friends, every thing familiar to them... and have been given to these strangers who don't speak their language, who smell differently, who fix food differently, and who are trying to teach him/her new things and new ways to act. 

This doesn't sound very "lucky" to me!

We understand what you are saying, but the child does not understand how they are supposed to feel lucky when they have lost everything dear to them.

2) "You are so cute!!! I'm going to take you home with me!" 

Though some kids can handle adults who have fun with this statement, there are many cannot process this in the playful way it is intended.  This statement can be taken two ways...

It can cause the child to lapse into fear. Fear that they will be taken away from their family... again!!!! 

or

It can hurt the bonding process of the adoptive family and the child.  Bonding and trust are hard to build - and when the child thinks that some other family may take them and that person looks to be a lot more fun than the adoptive family  - this can seriously hurt the bonding process. 

3)  "Are they siblings?"

The first time Jorja and Jailyn heard someone ask me if they were "sisters" and I answered "no", (because I knew that the person was asking if they were biological sisters or not). The girls freaked out - interrupting and yelling at me that they ARE sisters!  

They knew all the facts, they knew that they weren't biological sisters.  

But, they also had bonded and they accept each other as their sister.  We were able to explain the situation to them and they were able to understand and now they answer people, "We are not biological but we are sisters!"
This question can really hurt the bonding and transition to a family when it is brought up over and over again.  

4)  "My kids act the same way!" or "He/She is acting like a normal 4 year old."
Though I understand that all kids have break downs, temper tantrums, can be overly stimulated and so much more... the ability to regulate themselves is completely different.  The reason for the meltdown, temper tantrum and whatever else actually stems from something much deeper than a child not getting a candy bar at the check out counter of the grocery store.   The adoptive parents and the adopted child are both trying to work on building trust with each other.  If an adoptive parent seems to be "giving in" to a child's attics - please understand that this is not what is happening.  Instead, they are trying to calmly and rationally build trust with their child and build compromise within their relationship.
We know that all parenting is hard, but please don't tell adoptive parents that everyone deals with the same issues.

5)  "What does your husband do?"  "How much did they cost?" 

Adoption fees are costly, there is no doubt about that!   But our children are precious and priceless!!! 

If you have a biological child, do you and everyone else complain about the cost of doctor appointments and hospitals?
We don't talk about adoption fee's either!  Unless we are in the middle of adoption, and everyone knows that we are strict with our budget and that we fundraise to pay for the adoption fee's - NOT to buy a child.

6)  "Do you miss your "real" mom?
I am their "real" mom!!! I clothe them, I feed them, I love them, I take care of them, I advocate for them!   We know what you mean, but really???   Do you say this to a child who has a stepmom?  No, you don't.
As a family we discuss our children's birth families.  Each child's story is different and we respect that.  Please help us by being respectful too.

7)  "Be good or you may be sent back"
Yes, we have had people say this to our child/ren.  Needless to say, I wasn't very calm when I overheard this come out of an adults mouth!!!
Please know that many children have already been told that by nannies, foster families, case workers... they do not need to hear this as they try to trust and bond with their adoptive family.

8)  "Didn't your real mom love you?"
Again, all of our children have different stories.  We all make decisions for different reasons.  Please do not judge my children's biological parents, especially when we do not have any documented information to even make an educated guess.
Our children cannot process that.  They have their own insecurities without having anyone question this for them!

9)  "Your new mom and dad are amazing people."
Really???  Sometimes our kiddos don't really think that!!  They get corrected, disciplined and made to eat their vegetables just like any kiddo.  They don't get everything they want ...and believe me, they don't always feel like we are amazing parents.

10)  "Aren't they over all of this yet?"
Though many of our kids had rough transitions, and some of our kiddo's have had easier transitions - none of our kids will get over their pain from their history.
Do you ask this of a mother or father who had to bury her child?
Our children have lost so many people who were dear to them.  They have lost their friends, their family, the only caregivers they have ever known.
We do not expect our children to get over the pain and grief.  We do help them through it.  We try to find every tool available to help them at the same time respecting their history and trying to help them to have a full future.

Thank you for taking the time to read over these requests.  

We truly appreciate it!  

Having a community to assist us is a major blessing! 

Praise God they are sick!

Back to our training from Dr. Purvis...

at one point of the last day Dr. Purvis said,

"Does anyone have a child with a super-sonic immune system?"

I raised my hand with 2 fingers raised!

I have 2 kids who seem to not ever even get a runny nose,

and these two happen to be my two who 

have the hardest time with trust,

and who live in a constant state of stress.

They have horrible,

horrible histories..

Dr. Purvis said,

"Be ready - with this training -

they are going to get sick!" 

Well, guess what!!!

One of them,

this precious kiddo of mine!!!

Has been a little out of sorts,

and yesterday,

when he thought he was in trouble 

(but really I just wanted to divert him from getting into trouble),

ran to his bed (per usual),

covered himself with his quilt and hid (per usual),

and feel asleep!!

He took a 2 hour nap! 

This boy n.e.v.e.r. naps!!! 

He barely sleeps e.v.e.r.!!!!

And when he woke up,

I asked him if he was okay 

and he told me that his throat hurt!

Praise God! 

Of course, I don't want him sick - 

but his guard is being lifted,

and his body is responding appropriately -

and for that I am completely thankful!!!!

The other 4 have runny noses,

even Kenzie and Conner have runny noses!

There is still one,

who we are mindfully working with and praying 

that their guard is lifted! 

Every 2 hours

Enough food? 

This is always a huge question when it comes to children from hard places. 

Are they hording, are they just eating to eat?

I give them 3 meals a day 

And snacks in between,

That should be plenty!

But really,
no mater what the reason,
Dr. Purvis believes and practices,
that our children be fed every 2 hours.

I thought that I had this in the bag -
I have snacks with me all the time,
I pick up the kids from school with a snack
in the car because I know that even driving
a short way to home -
that is enough for their blood sugar to drop,
emotions to fly
and meltdowns happen.

But,
I admit,
I don't always offer a snack every 2 hours.

Soooo, when I went to Sam's Club to get Double Bubble,
I also bought a ton of snack food,
everything from animal crackers,
to granola,
and trail mix.

Getting my kids in the habit of eating every 2 hours has been difficult -
they are used to being told "no",
and being on a certain schedule.

This week 5 out of 6 of our younger kids are at a day camp
for half of the day.
I drop them off at 9am and pick them up at noon.
They get a snack half-way through the morning- so we are good
and normally I wouldn't have brought snack -
as we were heading straight home for lunch...
they could wait!
But after last weeks training,
 I decided that this is something I need to work on.

Picking them up
I let Griggs pick who we would pick up first -
he chose Elijah.

Good  choice!

Elijah was in a great mood and happy to see us!
As we walked around the church to pick up the
other kids -
I saw that he was quickly spinning out of control
and needed to be regulated.
Rather than,
being stern with him - like I normally do,
I handed him a packet of cheese crackers.

and guess what...
that was exactly what he needed.
Even though he didn't know he did.

Was he starving?
Probably not.

Was his blood sugar low?
maybe

Did I just leave him for 3 hours?
yep!

Was his security taken away?
you betcha!

I'm not sure what this snack did for him at this specific time -
but I can tell you that he was then able to calm himself,
use his words,
and talk to me while looking in my eyes.

I will take that any day!  

And since we are talking about Elijah...
here's a funny for you!!!
Sometimes mom just has to pick her battles!
Elijah loves to clean toilets and such -
especially with bubbles!!

Yesterday he got caught writing his name!
haha!!!

I love this boy!

Double Bubble!!!!!

When we got to our training on Thursday morning,

all of these were on our table...

and I thought - 

"I have these things at home...

in my closet."

Bad mom #1!!!!

Through out the training we played with 

these figits 

as we listened!! 

And many, many times they helped us keep our focus!! 

So, I have pulled out the box of figits...

and we are all enjoying them!

One exercise that Dr. Purvis talks about is chewing gum.

More specifically Double Bubble!!! 

The sense of chewing is calming to the brain,

and while chewing, the brain is getting constant proprioceptive input.

The act of chewing gum also provides the sensory input to the muscles 

in the jaw and ears 

allowing children (and adults) concentrate better!

Dr. Purvis asked us to play a game with our kids this first weekend home...

Every time our kids asked for a piece of gum...

we have to say "yes"!

The reason for this is to build bonging with our children.

Children who have a beautiful infancy learn that if they ask -

their momma will come.

If they are hungry - they cry - and are fed.

If they are bored - they cry - and are played with.

Our children from hard places -

did not receive this care,

they learned at an early age that if they were hungry -

their cries were not heard,

so they didn't cry anymore.

They never received a "yes" from their caregiver -

the caregiver was always in charge,

our kiddos learned in infancy

that their opinion didn't matter - 

that they were unworthy of having an opinion. 

They don't know what it is to actually hear "yes",

and have the brain develop healthy.

So, this weekend we have implemented this exercise!

I told the kids whenever they wanted some that I would say "yes".

They all cheered!!

There was one child, my negotiator, who saw some other gum...

and asked if she could have that gum. 

I allowed this because I know the flavor of gum is 

something that this child is constantly craving. 

Another, chose a ring pop -

again, the sucking of the ring pop is something this child also craves.

This has been an amazing experiment...

we went to a soccer game and Donovan realized in the car,

that I had really brought the bucket of gum with me.

"Momma, you brought the gum with us?"

"Yes, I sure did Cowboy."

(that's what Dr. Purvis says, and well, to add humor to the situation -

I thought I would channel my inner Purvis! haha)

He sat back,

completely relaxed in the car 

and responded,

"sssswwwweeeeeetttt"!!!!!

I laughed and laughed! 

But realized that just doing what I said I would do has built trust 

between Donovan and I.

As the day went by,

I heard,

"I don't want any more gum...

I am on a sugar overload!"

and 

"Can I have some crackers."

haha!!! 

This morning is day 2 of our experiment...

peoples attitudes have changed...

(kids and parents!) 

People are taking correction as correction,

not with the fear of failure 

and the fear

that something terrible will happen to them.

And, some are good with not asking for gum...

but are willing to help me remember to bring the bucket with me!