Sunday, February 7, 2016

making breakfast


This guy....


you know, 
this guy...


He is growing so much!!! 

It has been a long transition with him,
but we are seeing a light through the tunnel!! 


This past weekend he was the oldest kiddo home
with mom.
And he stepped up,
over and over again  -
all weekend!! 

He even made breakfast on Saturday!! 


And CLEANED UP!!! 

Trauma sucks but seeing him succeed 
and be happy in our family.
Every day Elijah has to decide to trust - 
it doesn't come easy or naturally,
but he wants to be sweet!
And he sure can be! 




Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Pain and fear... It's real

When I drop my child off at a new Sunday school and she cries because I am leaving her, this is normal for a 12 month old. 
But I'm not talking about my 12 month old.  I'm not even talking about my daughter who has only been home for 6 months.  I'm talking about my daughter who was adopted at 16 months and who is excited to celebrate being home for 9 years this week.  That's right, my 10 year old.  Adopted as a baby! 


Some people may think she is manipulating me to get her way, and honestly I thought she might be too. But, when I looked in her eyes there was no manipulating there. Just fear.
Her heart was pounding, and sweat was forming droplets.
Fear that is rooted so deep in her, she was hysterical from pain, yet using every fiber of her being to hold it together, begging me to not send her off. 
This precious child who seems to, well kinda does, run our family and keep us all in line, has her breaking point.  The fear of her momma leaving her and not coming back is real. 

I tell you this to help people realize a few things...

Even though a child is adopted as a baby they will pull from these unconscious emotions forever.  The fear of abandonment is real and not easily worked through. 
My 10 year old accepted us as her family on adoption day.  She cherishes her family and is happiest when the entire, crazy, loud family is together! 
But even though she has had a fantastic 9 years with us, and is secure in our love for her, she is still working through deep hurts. 

Children from adoption and/or foster care have experienced trauma no matter how young they came to their family.  Even in utero, their momma's were more than likely suffering with some type of anxiety, and that is formed in their brains.  Even a few months of abuse and/or neglect in utero or as a new born effect a child for life.

In our family, we have children adopted children from 16 months, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, 5 years and 6 years old.  Many people think, the older the child, the harder the issues with the child will be.  In someways, I disagree- every child who comes from adoption/foster care has emotional trauma, it just manifests itself differently.  
In our family, we talk a lot about our pasts. Understanding where we come from, what we have experienced helps us process who we are now and helps us make sense of our actions.  The hard part for my 10 year old is that she doesn't remember her past but it is what formed her. She cannot pin point a situation that makes her fear going to a new place by herself.  The black hole that is her beginnings is real.  

Please be patient when you see someone in pain, or maybe being, what you might think. over dramatic about a situation.  We don't know what they have been through and sometimes they don't know what they have been through.  Let's just help each other through the pain and fear. 

Saturday, January 23, 2016

My hero Hagan... here we go again...

Here we go again...


Ohhh  my heart just aches for this kiddo!! 

While on Christmas vacation, Hagan and I were cuddling and I was scratching his back...
I noticed that his lower back was bulging on the right side of his scar 
from his surgery last year (November 2014).

Shoot!!!! 


This is not good!! 

And of course I went into momma worry mode! 

I called our Neurosurgeon the next day - 
he didn't seem worried and said to come in when we get back,
but they couldn't get us in until January, 21st. 

Aaarrrrgh!!!!!!  

So, wait we did! 


We had x-rays first and then went to see our surgeon. 

It's never good when a specialist is silent.

He looked at his back, looked at the x-rays,
did reflex tests...

and sent us back to x-rays - for 4 more sets of photos.

Hagan is so good at getting x-rays done! 
He cracks me up - he goes in there and just stands in the position 
before they tell him what to do! 

We went back upstairs to see the doctor.

He took a bit longer to see us,
as he was going over the x-rays.


Needless to say, the 2 rods and 18 pins are not stationery.
They are slipping out of position. 
NOT good!! 

So, in two weeks, Hagan will be going back for spinal surgery.
Our doctor is not sure which of three options he will actually make happen,
and he won't know until he gets in there to see what is going on. 

Option #1:  
Take out the 4 bottom pins,
cut the extra rod and leave the rest of the rods and pins.

Option #2:
Take both rods and all the pins out,
and hope that the year with these in will be enough to keep Hagan's 
back in place. 

Option #3:
Take the rods and pins out,
and replace everything - 
starting at square one! 

Since we don't know what will take place,
we don't know how long we will be in the hospital,
we don't know if he will be in a back brace again or not,
we don't know how long he will be out of school,
or what his activity level will be.

We know and find peace in knowing that God 
already knows what will happen during surgery,
and HE will care for Hagan and for us!


The only things Hagan has requested for this surgery,
so far, are:
 Oatmeal Pie snacks,
his Kindle that he got for Christmas,
and cards from his family and friends.
"cards and flowers make me happy in the hospital."

We would love to knock Hagan's socks off 
and see him receive tons of cards!! 
If you would like to help us cheer him up while recovering,
please either pm me on FB and I'll get you our address 
or email me at soccermom@tx.rr.com 

Thank you so very much!!! 
Thank you for your prayers for our little man!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

6 months home!


6 months ago 
we met this precious little girl for the first time!!!


She walked into the room without a care in the world.

She could barely walk down the stairs in the orphanage.

She came to us willingly,
but had no idea who we were nor what to expect.

We have learned so much from our little girl! 
She is one amazing girl! 

Laynee can do 2-3 three stairs on her own!
Laynee can get in and out of our van without sitting down!
She can buckle and unbuckle her car seat - 
at the appropriate times! (BIG praise!)
Laynee can brush her own teeth! 
Laynee has learned our family routine and thrives on 
a schedule! 
Laynee is still learning how to hug,
but she sure knows how to give kisses!! 

We are so proud of our sweet pea! 
And incredibly blessed to call her daughter! 


Miles,
wow!!! This boy has come a long way in 6 months!


This is where Miles stood for 4 days,
crying and moaning -
one incredibly scared little boy!! 

Now, 
this boy has everyone in our household wrapped around his pinkie!!!
Miles brushes his own teeth,
and even lets mom help! 
Miles smiles and is incredibly silly!! 
But mostly he is a stinker!! 

Miles is everything a three year old boy should be!!
Miles loves to play outside with his siblings 
and is sure to tell them when they are doing things
correctly or not! 

Miles loves to be attached to momma at all times,
but is doing better 
and feeling more secure 
that if momma has to leave him-
 she will come back!! 

How we love this boy!! 
Our son and brother and little stinker!!! 

We are so thankful that we took the time it took to bring both of them home 
in this one trip! 
Spreading out, going to two different providences
was completely worth it!!!! 


Sunday, December 13, 2015

sixth but first

Laynee Faith turned 6 years old on Friday,
but this was her first birthday celebrated at home! 

She had a great day at school -
and was the bell of the Ball! 
She may have thought the Fairytale Ball at school 
was all about her -
and of course, we went with that!! 
Every 6 year old little girl should have a fairytale Ball!!


So that we could all be home to celebrate Laynee -
we celebrated on Saturday. 

Friday evening I went to make her cake - 
turned on the oven to pre-heat,
minutes later -
there were flames in the oven! 

Ohhhhh K!
Plan B! 


I have only once bought a store cake for my kids birthdays,
and that was because we were on vacation. 
I like baking cakes for my kids, 
and especially my baby girls first birthday!


Thankfully, Laynee didn't seemed disappointed. 


She had a wonderful birthday and has worn her crown for 3 days!! 

I just love seeing her sweet smile, 
so proud,
so confident!


She feels loved!!! 
I'd say her celebration as a success!!!


Here's to no more birthdays without your family!! 

Friday, December 11, 2015

Fairytale Ball!

Who knew that a fun, simple kindergarten activity 
would bring a momma to tears. 


We had our normal, crazy - get everyone to school on time -
kinda morning...
but thankfully I took a minute to take a photo of 
Griggs and Laynee before we went to school!

They are too cute!!!!


We got everyone to school and to their classes,
Miles and I waited in the hallway 
for the kindergarten Fairytale Parade through the school.


Ohh, how cute!! All of the kiddos felt incredibly special! 


The youngest kids of the school 
marched through the school twice for all of the BIG kids to cheer them on! 
(Laynee was so excited to see her siblings all over the school!!)

Then they went to the gymnasium -
a red carpet and arch of balloons led them to their dance floor!

That is when this momma began to loose her cool!

Today is my baby girls  6th birthday! 
4 1/2 months ago this little girl walked into a little room - 
met Kenzie and I -
she had no idea how her life would change.

We had no idea how she would change our lives!!

Seeing my baby in this beautiful dress with her dance partner, just melted me!
She has a chance at life! 


The princess she is and deserves to be celebrated!
Though the school was playing "Let it Go" 
In my head, I was hearing Steven Curtis Chapman's -  Cinderella.
"She sings and she sways 
to whatever song plays
without a care in the world.
And I'm sitting here with the weight of the world 
on my shoulders."




"Oh I will dance with Cinderella,
I don't want to miss even one song.
"Cause all too soon
the clock will strike midnight... 
and she'll be gone."



Griggy had me in tears too!! 

This amazing boy that no one wanted because of his physical needs.
Nothing will keep him down!! 


A Prince Charming and smooth dancer he is!!! 




These two melt me!! 

Friday, December 4, 2015

ohhhh the holidays... sigh!!

"Your children are so beautiful and so well behaved!'

This is a comment we received this past weekend when we went 
out to dinner for Hagan's birthday.

What they didn't see was that one child was missing.

He was there, but they couldn't see him.

You see, my son was overwhelmed with everything that day.
Actually, for the last few weeks.
Holidays are very hard on many kids from hard places.
Whether it's the inability to celebrate another person
and their successes,
or if it the hustle and bustle of the holiday season,
either way,
it's hard on them.

My son decided that instead of eating at the table with the rest of us,
he sat under the table  -
eating junk from under the table 
and from the floor. 

We often times had our parenting strategies questioned,
"why would you allow your child to do this?"

Well, I'll tell you why. 
It's for the safety of everyone around.
If we had pushed him further he would have had a complete meltdown,
screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting on anyone around.

I know this doesn't make sense to most people.
It didn't make sense to me when I saw things like this 
before I had a son who cannot regulate himself.
This doesn't make him a "bad" kid - but a kid who just can't regulate himself.

In the adoption community we have a phrase called, "cocooning".
Meaning we make our child's world as small as can be 
and keep that child near by.
This is often done early in the adoption process.


(what I would give to go back in time and get to my boy sooner in life!)

But, really with most kids from hard places this needs to happen often.
Because of lack of nutrients, lack of cuddling as an infant, lack of simple needs being met, and stress they experienced in the womb,
their brains are not formed like the average child.
When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze mode there is no moving forward
until they are ready. 
We just have to ride it out and deal with actions after their brains 
are processing the events correctly. 



Believe me, even if it doesn't look like we are being pro-active in our parenting - 
we definitely are!! 
Unfortunately, our parenting looks very different from others parenting.
Our children are hyper-vigilant so we have to be also -
to keep one step a head of them!! 

So, if you see an adoptive family,
not participating in normal activities,
especially this time of the year,
know that they are not all bah humbug -
but just trying to get through the season without too much trauma drama for everyone. 


Thursday, November 12, 2015

She WILL conquer her world!

Since we are an open book to our family and friends,
we want to fill you in with what is going on -
and Laynee has a lot of cheerleaders that helped us find her,
and helped us bring her home! 

Here's the deal...

When we first saw Laynee's file,
we knew that she had Hydrocephalus and a shunt,
but,
there were many comments that brought up more questions -
a few were that she
was three years old and couldn't feed herself,
had incontinence,
neither could she walk unassisted.

We were told that she had braces for her legs,
but also told that they didn't help. 

We found our in December 2014 through a video,
that she was indeed walking!! 
Praise God!! 

So, what caused her delay in walking? 

When we met Laynee,
she walked into the room we waited in with a big smile 
and all the confidence in the world. 

I was ready for the shoe to drop.
"These strangers, why are they in this room,
and why I am at this place?"

This went well, as we gave her gifts and blew bubbles with her -
but when it was time to go back to the hotel,
I got a little nervous as this would probably really scare her.

But, she took Kenzie's hand and walked town the stairs with Kenzie and my help,
and into the car -
where she settled in nicely. 

Many of you may think - "adoption from heaven"!! 
But, I thought, "ohhhh no!!! This is a red flag!"
She had been in a foster home for years,
she is in a strange place,
going away with strangers.
She did not have the photos that we sent her,
or any of the gifts that we had sent -
so did she even know we were coming?
Why isn't she scared?

We really didn't know what to think.
Don't get me wrong, it was nice to not feel 
like we were breaking our child's heart by taking her 
from all she has known - but there is also 
a nervous feeling, 
as we were getting to know her.


Fast forward.
For 3 1/2 months of knowing Laynee - this remains the same.
Laynee will go with whomever is willing to take her.
She will hug anyone who is in her reach,
and smiles at her. 
This is all sweet, but it is hard to teach her who is family and
who is a friend or even stranger.

After many, many doctor appointments - 
we have found out that yes, Laynee does indeed have Hydrocephalus -
and a shunt. 
After speculation, the shunt is indeed working. Yeah!

Unfortunately, because her shunt was put in late -
the hydrocephalus has caused major brain damage.

Along with hydrocephalus, 
she has ACC - 
Absence of the Corpus Callosum. 
(which yes, I had to google too! - But, Kenzie knew what it was!)
The Corpus Callosum is the bridge of nerves that 
connects the right and left hemispheres.
ACC makes is more difficult for her brain to transfer
information from one side of the brain to the other.
This is a major answer to our questions with Laynee. 

There is no surgery that can be done to "fix" this, 
we just need to learn how to help her.

The questions in her file make sense now.
And though, she CAN learn, it just takes her much longer to learn.
As I've shared on my FB page,
some cute videos of her working really hard! 

This week we went to the school playground after hours so that I could see 
what she is doing on the playground.  
She got up on one section to climb on,
that I could tell she had never been on -
but Griggs was doing it and well, 
you can tell from her smile that she really wanted to do this!
 (part of her condition is that she copies people,
not understanding dangers or consequences.)


Laynee came to a hurdle that seemed impossible for her to get around,



but I wouldn't allow her too quit.
she was not happy with me -  
but I knew she could do it!! 
(I know I'm a mean mom!)


After about 15 minutes of trying...


she DID IT!!! 
And look at that smile!! 



Medically speaking we do not know what the future holds for our baby,
but this I know this diagnosis won't hold my baby down!! 

She WILL conquer her world!!! 

I am so proud of our baby girl and the work that she puts in every day 
just to physically and mentally keep up with everyone. 




Tuesday, October 27, 2015

3 months with Laynee Faith

3 months ago this amazing little girl walked into 
a little room in the orphanage with a smile 
on her face,
ready to meet her momma and big sister! 


She came willingly 
and left with us willingly.


God made this day just beautiful!
Not going to lie - 
I was totally nervous! 
Everything we had been told about this treasure was scary.
As the time to meet her drew closer,
I doubted more and more!


But, Laynee put me at ease. 


She was full of giggles 
and ready to embrace her new adventure
and new life!


God had prepared her heart for this crazy change! 

Laynee has taken to her new family with bravery
and excitement!
Trust and peace
that only God could give.


Her smile melts me are reminded me constantly - 
don't take life too seriously! 
Have fun with everything you are given!
And don't let what others say about you -
stop you! 


Laynee's file from China said a lot of things that she could NOT do.

Her file was scary!

But this face - 
is anything but scary! 

As we continue to peel the unknown about Laymen's health
we fall deeper in love with our Laynee Faith!


I sure love my baby girl!!
What a blessing she is!  

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Turning 10 with lots of questions!

I can't believe my baby girl is double digits!


Where has the time gone?


Jailyn is an old soul,
she loves people and Jesus!


This birthday has been a hard one.

Lots of questions about her birth 
and her birth family 
that we will never be able to answer for her.

Giving her this time to grieve the fact that we know nothing 
about per very beginnings is very important.


I share this because many people think that if 
kids are adopted,
especially at a young age,
that they wont have any "issues".
The truth is, at least in our house,
the younger kids have more questions 
and grieve as they get older and try to "find" themselves.

Some questions that have recently come up...

"Who do I take after?"

"Was I born early in the morning?"

"Do you think my mom was nice?"

"Do you think my mom was allergic to strawberries too?"

I'm so thankful that Jai can ask these questions -
but it hurst deeply that I can't give her answers.

She knows that I can't answer these questions,
but when she cries herself to sleep because of the unknown of her past -
it breaks my heart too.

She knows in who hold her future - 
but sometimes we just have to let our kids 
grieve their past,
 so that they can embrace their present and future!




Wednesday, September 23, 2015

That leap 2 years ago!

2 years ago I took a leap a faith,
and little did I know what God was going to do
with my little step of obedience!


You see, 7 months prior Bryan and I were preparing to 
leave China with our two amazing boys! 





We were amazed how hard it was to leave China this time.
God was pulling on our hearts
before we even left.
God was telling us that our daughter was 
still in China!

What???

Who??

and even more importantly 
HOW???

We had to wait 6 months before we could start paperwork again
so we used this time to pray and pray and search for our daughter.

While searching we were also praying about 
my energy level, 
(seeing that I was exhausted before 
the little kids went to bed,
and often times falling asleep before they did!)
my health,
(Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia,
Anemia, insomnia...)
my patience, 
(tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of the day that began a downward spiral 
for my Elijah!
I needed patience!!)

ohhhh my 
to juggle 9 kids -
and the possibility of 10, 
maybe 11 kids!


And praying for our financial situation!
Hubby is a hard worker,
and has a great job -
but it takes a lot to raise a large family!

I was tired of telling my kids that they couldn't see the newest movie,
"Wait for it to come out in DVD."
got harder and harder to tell them.
Making them choose only one friends birthday party to go to 
through out the year, 
because I couldn't afford more birthday presents for friends.

The stress of having to tell my kids "no" 
because of finances was sooooo hard!! 
Kiddos just don't understand that - 
all they hear is "no".

I prayed for a part time job!
I was kinda picky -
because I couldn't really do anything,
I have no office skills 
and 
I still wanted to be there for my kids,
I didn't want to put Hagan and Griggs in a day care -
plus that would just be another bill to pay!
I couldn't work after school,
who would be the taxi?
That left me from midnight to 4am to work.
Stocking shelves at the local grocery store doesn't really work -
as my RA would be miserable,
though I was awake at that time with insomnia!
But, I'm also not doing "sales" and home shows of 
... whatever!!!
I didn't have time for that either!
And wasn't going to ask my friends to buy something that 
they didn't need! 
BTDT!
Plus, there wasn't anything out there that I loved 
enough to share with people.


Then God asked me to take a leap of faith...
something I totally didn't want to do!

Of course, I went kicking and screaming -
but this idea wasn't going to fail because of me,
I was going to show God that I shouldn't have done this!
Seriously, when will I learn?

I joined my friend Rebecca's team with Plexus Worldwide!

I set out to prove 3 weeks before today two years ago that some
"scam" health products didn't work -
which I had been totally proven wrong...
and now 3 weeks later HE is asking me to 
share these health products with others.
Ohhh boy!!!


I did what my leaders told me to do,
and took this seriously! 
I prayed for a part time job,
and if this was HIS answer -then I would work it like 
a full time job!

I wondered why God would chose this way to answer my prayers -
can't he just send a big donor 
to help us with the adoption that HE is calling us too!
That'd be so much easier,
and I would be able to sit on the couch with my sore, exhausted body!

But, HE wanted me to heal, grow
and share!!
Now I can't believe what HE has done with this SAHMomma,
and her little business to help other friends
pay bills, quit their jobs,
couples working together to get out of corporate America
so that they can obey God and go into ministry 
and not worry about the all mighty paycheck!

I am so grateful that God asked me to lead this amazing team of mine.
HE has placed Plexus products in my life 
and 
my amazing team who encourages me every day!

2 years ago I had no idea what www.crazyplexuslady.com 
would turn into!

Now, I have my health
and my baby girl home,
and our bonus baby!!! (ha!ha!)



God is so good!! 
We are truly blessed!!






Tuesday, September 22, 2015

So many questions about our baby girl!

We have so many questions about our baby girl!


Her file from China was incomplete,
and raised many questions!
We knew that she had hydrocephalus (water on the brain)
and had a shunt. 
We knew that she didn't walk until she was 5 yrs old,
nor did she feed herself until then.

When she walked in to the room 
at the orphanage on July 13th,
my heart melted.


And honestly,
I had a feeling of,
"Ohhhh Lord, really - 
I don't think I can do this!
This child was "paperwork" until this moment.
Now she is a real person,
and my responsibility for life!

I kinda wanted to run!
But thankfully God held me
and encouraged me!

She is adorable,
she is precious,
she is happy,
she is a treasure.


But, there is was that feeling in my gut -
that we were in for a long ride!
A long ride of trying to peel the medical layers of our Laynee.

We have seen many doctors,
but still have many more to go.


She had an MRI a few weeks ago,
and unfortunately it took us this long to get 
the report - 
and a referral to a neurosurgeon.

The results from the MRI have been hard to hear,
but they have also given us a starting place.


The news was not positive
and not encouraging.

But one thing I know...
 God is so good!!
Though her life in China would have been incredibly hard,
and hopeless...
She now has many brothers and sisters 
who are the sweetest!
They love to teach her and celebrate her victories with her!


We are blessed beyond earthy understanding to call Laynee "daughter"!
We don't know why God has called us on this journey,
and entrusted Laynee to us,
but are incredibly thankful!!




Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Someone had a birthday!!!

I can hardly believe that this little guy -
who jumped into my lap 
4 years ago...

is now 8 years old!!!


Elijah is a tender hearted boy!!


A tender heart that has been broken and hurt 
time and time again...


but he is learning to allow people in!


And he amazes me!!!


I have a had a hard time with a certain new adult person in his life,

one day, I told Elijah that that person was insane.

Elijah asked,
"what is insane."

I answered,
"Crazy!"

Elijah answered,
"He's not crazy, 
he's just mad and doesn't know how to 
use his words."

Okay, buddy!!
You are right!!! 
You have a huge heart!! 
and I am so thankful that you call me "mommy"!

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