Tuesday, January 2, 2018

I didn't sign up for this... neither did he.

A week ago we received devastating news for Elijah
and for his mental health.
To sum it up,
medically speaking we learned what and why
Elijah has been suffering from
all of his life, 
We received the diagnosis and were told
he will never heal, this side of heaven.

Unless God gives us a miracle 
his mental health is incurable.

Psychologically speaking, 
we have been told that we are doing everything we can do to help him.

Neurologically speaking, 
we have been told that he will never 
be able to process socially in a healthy way.

Life in a family will be a constant struggle.
Residential and Institutional care will be part of 
Elijah's life journey.

I can't believe I'm typing this!
I didn't sign up for this!
I pray/beg to be his mommy to send him off to strangers!
I didn't fight for his well-being for 
the past 6.5 years to put him in the care of someone else!

I signed up to parent my son in my house!
To love him, to help him heal, to hold him when he is scared.
I guess God is teaching me that parenting a child
comes in many different ways -
always doing what is best for him
and all of my kids,
is what I am called to.

When discussing the test results with our neurologist 
we were told that Elijah's disabilities manifest itself 
in labels like -
Autism, Schizophrenia, and RAD (reactive attachment disorder).
Along with his PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injury),
this is not a good combination.

What I have said since I've been his mommy 
and at every evaluation for every therapist, doctor, teacher, 
really anyone who would listen...
is that,

 he tries soooo hard to make good choices, but he just can't!!
And now we know - Momma knows her boy!! 

Tomorrow morning we will drive Elijah to begin this visit to residential care.
(looking at a few months stay for him).
Leaving him there is going to be so so hard,
but presently life is not safe for him,
and we have no other choice.

We appreciate prayers for our miracle boy!! 
and for our entire family!  
We miss our boy and brother who can be so fun,
and so loving!
But struggles so deeply! 

We pray he can come home safely,
we pray for a long term plan
and for doctors and therapists who
will love our boy and
help us every step of this journey!

We cling to hope in miracles in our Lord Jesus Christ!
We will walk this journey with our son
and marvel in Wonder and Awe of HIS plan.


Jennifer said...

I’m so sorry Jodi. I know how much you love him and want the very best for him. Praying for you all during this difficult transition.

Shonni said...

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you all, and I will be praying.

Paige said...

I am so very sorry! Our journey with Madeline has included a 2 week institutional care which wrecked me. I commit to pray for your Mama heart as you leave your boy as I understand a bit of what you are going through...my hearts aches for your family. Please know that I am committing to pray for your family daily and especially Elijah. Sad is a word that describes such a time as this, we know God is in each and every detail and loves Elijah more than you however the hard is still there. Praying for incredible peace and heavenly guidance for you in this time.

Jean said...

This is sooo hard... I am so sorry... This is not what you had planned and not what he had planned. Sometimes life takes us for a ride and our life looks different that we think it's supposed too. HUGS and Prayers for ALL of you!

FlGdNbr said...

What can I say? God in His Infinite Plan has been there before Elijah, even before you were ever born. All we can do is pray for our Father for Elijah and keep praying. His has a purpose that no one of us know now. Maybe in Heaven. I will keep praying for all of you every night until I die or the Lord takes us to Home. You have done all you could do for your family. God is still with you & He will be with you every year, months, days, hours, minutes & seconds! Thank you for telling you about Elijah - doesn't make any less for him - I will still praying for our Father - I still think Elijah will be a "miracle boy" with God! God bless all of your family!

The White Family said...

Reading this breaks my heart for your family and for Elijah. I am praying for all of you!


Blog Widget by LinkWithin