Monday, September 9, 2013

What the Today Show forgot to mention

Today the Today show did a report on 
"re-homing" internationally adopted children.

I'm not sure where they did their research because 
I don't believe their research was thorough. 

They said that this is like child trafficking.

I must disagree. 

As y'all know, we have six internationally adopted children.
Six beautiful children whom we love 
as much as our biological children.

The first time I ever heard of disrupting an adoption -
I had very strong feelings against it.
 I guess I still have strong feelings but have grown
in my response. 
I don't know of any adoptive parent who goes into 
an adoption without their hearts open to a beautiful child,
wanting to love this child as their own,
and willing to do anything for this child. 

In International adoption,
 (I wont speak for domestic adoption because we have never
adopted domestically - so I have no knowledge.)
a family is given a "file".
This file contains information that the orphanage discloses  -
heath reports, and personality reports. 
Some of these reports are correct,
some are not. 
Sometimes the reality of a child's health or emotional status 
is less then portrayed 
and sometimes the reality is more. 

Jorja's report said that she was HepB
and that at 4 yrs of age she could not stack 3 blocks.
Jorja is the healthiest person in our family -
and believe me she can stack more then 3 blocks.

Elijah's report said that he was a girl.
Guess what? 
He's a boy!!!

Hagan's report said nothing 
about his sleep apnea, or his spinal compression.

And though medical issues are easier to understand,
there are many emotional issues that were not in our children's files -
some have been easy to work through,
some not so much!

There are also friends of mine whose adopted children could not 
accept the love of a family. 
They manipulated, lied, deceived, and endangered 
the adoptive family. 

I know for a fact that non of these families threw their children away.
I know for a fact that they all have suffered through 
this journey along with the child. 

I do believe all children deserve a family.
But sometimes, it takes a while to get that child
in the perfect family. 

I also believe that this goes back to my post a few months ago,
We need to support the adoptive families. 
Some of our children have scars that take a lifetime to heal,
and some will never heal.
Without support from the body of Christ 
there will be more disruptions.  

I ask,
if you are contemplating adoption -
do not go into it blindly.
please go into the adoption with as much knowledge as you possibly can.
I know that most agencies require specific reading and training,
but remember -
it's different when it is in your house. 
Remember, every child, and situation is different.
Your life will be changed,
your child's life will be changed,
with knowledge and support we can pray that it will change for the better.
Without knowledge there will be more disruptions.

Please, if you are having a hard time with your adopted child,
as anyone having a hard time with their biological child...
reach out. 
Don't hide it - it's not good for anyone. 

and FYI - I have never heard of a disruption, re-homing,
situation that the new family did not have a home study
and a social worker in place!

I also know there is evil in the world and there are horrible
stories of children being used.
But, the media cannot be able to make it sound like
anyone who disrupts an adoption is evil. 


likeschocolate said...

I think the media is doing this because it is a hot topic after the situation with the mother who sent her child back to Russia or the other recent story of the mother who adopted the African child and did not bond with the child. They do not mention the other 77,000 or more sucussful adoption out of China or those around the world. It is Satans tool to not bring these children home. He doesn't want these children to have homes because he knows they are most likely destined for many issues that will lead them down the wrong path if they stay in orphanages. I agree with you being honest about what is going on helps other families understand that they are not alone and that this is a decision with long term conscequences.

Mama Ds Dozen said...

I haven't seen the show . . . and don't know if I really want to.

We re-homed one of our children 4 years ago, after we discovered that he had been abusing his youngest sister for many years (in the village, in the orphanage, and in our home). They should have never been adopted together. We could not protect our 5 youngest children . . . and we knew that our youngest daughter would never heal if we kept her abuser in our home.

He was actually excited to go to a new family. He has severe RAD and had never bonded with us. He came to America with all kinds of dreams of having anything and everything he ever wanted. Being adopted by a family with 10 children already, and having to share anything and everything, was not his dream come true.

He was adopted by a family with no young children at home, and only 2 older brothers in college. It has been a good fit for him. We have kept in contact a couple of times per year.

We know that the Lord directed us to bring these children home, but know that his "final and forever family" was not to be with us.

The orphanage lied to us . . . about his age (in reality he was 15 when we brought him home) . . . about his emotional needs . . . about his character . . . about his behavior. The whole adoption of all 3 children was so filled with lies . . . and we adopted from a "Christian" orphanage. So.So.Sad.

Child Trafficking? You've got to be kidding!

We are just parents, wanting to help, wanting to provide a family for an orphan, and realizing sometimes that we are not the right family for this child.

Thanks for sharing!

mama of 12

Nanetta said...

Your family is beautiful! I am a single mom of 6 of which 3 are biological and 3 adopted. The things I've been thru as a mom of bio have been, in many ways, as hard as what I've been thru with my adopted kids. I'll never regret the decision I made to adopt anymore than I regret giving birth to my bio kids. Is nay of it easy?? Oh, no, but they are all so worth anything we've gone thru.

Traci said...

Thank you for making it clear (to me, an adoptive mother of 2 , almost 3) that this horrible story to which you respond is NOT THE NORM. Yes, it is still horrible, but then so is any abuse. Leave it to the evil one to try to turn such a beautiful God-driven choice into something foul. Your family is beautiful and so is international adoption.

Anonymous said...

Many, Many families re-home, or disrupt without ensuring that the families who are receiving the child have a homestudy or even a background check. A child can be relinquished to another family with a simple Power of Attorney. That's it. I've seen it personally. As a church employee who works in the adoption field I have received calls from desperate parents who would literally give their adopted son or daughter to anyone who simply attended a church. This is a true and BIG problem. There is a need for stricter regulations on adoption disruption and agencies need to amp up their post placement. There are many solutions out there and the adoption community absolutely cannot pretend this is not a serious issue.


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