"I didn't sign up for this."

I have started blog post with this title numerous times.

"I didn't sign up for this."

And each time I want to write about this feeling -
and well, maybe have a mini-temper tantrum,

I am reminded of how awesome our God is.

It's true, 

I wouldn't have signed up for a lot of things 

that go with parenting -

and even more things that go with being an adoptive parent.

But, it's not the drama of parenting kids from hard places,

or the medical needs of some of our children

that gets me down.

It's that I would ever even think,
 when I look

at a photo of a waiting child, 

that I would say,

"No, I can't do that."

Cause you know what,


If we knew that Elijah would hurt so terribly bad,
and would fight with such force...
If you told me 3 years ago that Elijah's bed
would find a permanent home in Dad and Mom's room
inorder to keep everyone safe...

we would have probably said,
"No, we can't have that in our home."

If God had not brought Hagan home the way HE did -

with open door after open door -

we probably wouldn't have brought him home,

His needs are different and can be scary.

The fact that Hagan has had 3 surgeries in 6 months,

and numerous doctor appointments -

if I had known all of this 

I'm sure in my humanness I would have said,

"Nope can't do that.

I don't have the time.
How would we juggle everything and spend
so much time at doctor appointments?"

But guess what?

God knew better! 

HE knew HE could do it,
if we only allow HIM to use us.

Thanking God all my babies are home,
and that HE continues to push me to grow
and rely on HIM!