"Unknown"

 I hate this word "unknown"
I hate writing it on medical forms,
school forms,
insurance forms...
I hate that my children will never know
answers to so many of their questions.

Recently we received new information on 

Donovan and Elijah's past. 

A few questions were answered,

more new questions opened. 

Questions that we'll never have 

answers to.

Information in these papers were hard to read,

but one of the saddest was that Elijah 

was continually listed as 

female.

Really, he is ALL boy!

Nothing female about him -

okay - he is a pretty boy - 

but that is it!

These papers reminded me of how no one really cared for my boy.

He was just another face,

in a crowded room.

My son loves hugs and kisses -

but for so long no one even cared

if he was a boy or a girl. 

My son who would rather stay home 

while the other kids go to friends homes -

because he finally feels safe and loved.

 Home where he can be a boy,

and do boy things,

and get time-out for doing crazy boy things! :) 

But is still loved more then 

he probably ever dreamed possible.

No wonder why it has taken almost 2 years for 

him to trust us.

To let his guard down.

2 years for him to let us into his personal space.

I love you my son!

You are an amazing little boy!

With tears rolling down my cheeks 

I pray that you know how precious you truly are to me.