I apologize.

I feel that I need to apologize.

I apologize to anyone who has read our blog 

and has seen an easy goin' family,

 who plays all day -

and giggles and laughs constantly.

A family where there are no "time outs".

A family who never argues,

or 

gets on each others nerves. 

I want to apologize to y'all who have adopted,

those who are in the process of adopting,

or are thinking of adopting,

and I have allowed you to think -

"hey Jodi and Bryan do this just fine,

no problems.

What are we doing wrong?

What is our problem."

For this, I truly apologize.

Adoption is hard.

Inviting someone in your home,

asking them to be a family member 

can be incredibly difficult.

Expecting a child to give up every characteristic

they have learned in their past

 - so that they could survive - 

may come with a lot of arguments,

and frustrations.

The family unit may not be accepted from

a child. 

They may fight with every fiber of their being -

in fear that they will be hurt again. 

Some children, the only "family" they have know were their nannies

in the orphanage.

People who disciplined with conditional love -

and that is what they expect from their 

mommy and daddy.

A child who never had a pair of shoes to call their own,

may hold on stronger then you could ever imagine 

to the emotional control that they have 

held over others in their past. 

Some days you may long for the days of the past,

you may long for peace in your home,

in your life,

in your heart.

You may be an advocate for orphans,

and then when this hardened child comes to your home -

it is hard to see that same child that you fell in love with

in that photo. 

Can I tell you...

These children long for a quiet spirit too. 

They desire peace in their lives.

But, most have never experienced it -

so they don't even know what it is -

and on the good days that they have allowed their 

emotional wall to come down -

they don't know what to do with this new feeling.

It is unsure, it is uncomfortable -

and they will go back to what it comfortable. 

Some fight emotionally and physically because they 

loved people in their past,

and if they let their new family into their hearts -

this is denying their loved ones back home.

(whether those they loved were good to/for them -

they still loved them,

and that was their stability.) 

Again, 

I want to apologize.

I am so sorry if I have ever made it seem easy.

I am sorry that my kiddos are so adorable in the photos that we post -

I know it's hard to believe there are rough times 

when they look so cute! :) 

But, there are some many days when I have to look at those

 photos and pray -

"Thank you Lord for these precious faces.

They are your children.

You have blessed me with caring, 

loving, 

teaching,

parenting them.

And with your help,

I will do so."

Philippians 4:13

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Also, to you my friends,

if you are struggling 

please, please, please reach out! 

Please!!!!

This is hard! 

But, 

God is always good!