Monday, February 20, 2012

1000 yeses

One thing I took from the amazing Empowered to Connect is
that I say "no"!  

Sometimes many times, it's my first response
before I even think.

But Dr. Karyn Purvis,
Michael and Amy Monroe
reminded me that our kids from hard places
have heard "no" from day one.

They challenged us to allow a "yes Saturday"
and allow them to hear yes!

All of my littles have different stories,
but they have all been hurt
and have not been able to express themselves
with their voice -
and tend to act out 
in behavior because they don't know how to express themselves
with voice. 

So, as soon as I got home from the conference 
I began implementing much of what I learned.

I was greeted by many screams and hugs when I came home -
even the big kids got up to give me hugs and take my 
suitcase to my room.
Jorja was sooo excited to show me the necklace and bracelet that she made
from Uncle JB's birthday present to her,
while I was gone.  She began running up the stairs to 
her room to get it.
With the excitement she fell on the stairs -
and hurt her shin. 
She screamed, cried, cried and screamed! 
I knew the injury wasn't that bad-
but the emotion overwhelmed her - as she was nervous for days
if I would come back to her or not. 

We usually don't hand out bandaids at night time -
cause' ya know, in reality - it's good to let air get to your boo-boo to make a scab.
But, my daughter doesn't need "reality".

I asked her if she would like a bandaid.
She did.
I told her "yes, you may have a bandaid."

As soon as I said 'yes'
she calmed down,

we put a bandaid on her owie.
And she smiled. 
And went to bed calm and secure!
It was a beautiful thing!

Elijah wanted to take a bath before church (imagine that!)
Well, of course!
So, I offered that while he took a bath -
I would take a shower.
He liked that idea as he has been at my hip since I returned home.

When I finished my shower,
he began to show worried behavior.
I asked him what did he need.

Elijah doesn't use his words very often.
So, I was surprised when he actually answered,
"You no get out of shower.
You stay with me."

"Ohhhh baby!
I'm gonna stay -
I still have to get dressed,
and dry my hair.
Would you like to stay in the bath?"


I bent down to his eye level and asked him if he could
ask me if he could stay in the bath.

"Stay baff peese?"

"yes, you can stay in the bath!
and I will stay in the bathroom with you."

His defenses went down,
and his smile was back!
During his bath time I asked him
numerous times if he wanted to stay in the bath,
and asked him to use his words to ask me.

And the answer I gave him each time was "yes".

And, yes, after an hour or so,
he was ready to get out of the bath.
(usually we have a raging fit when he has to get out.)

Now don't get me wrong -
I didn't say 'yes' to everything yesterday,
but I did say 'yes' to everything that I could,
even if it meant I had to do a bit more work,
or change what I had planned.

I could tell you more stories of things that happened yesterday,
(and I may in future posts)
but for now I'll tell you -
there was a different feeling in our house-
peace, respect, security.
Still loud, but I like respectful loud!

And ya know what -
these two little hearts opened up -
and decided it was time to share more of their
history and past fears and present fears with me.
I was able to hold them and
help them feel secure.


Praying I can do the same today,
and we can all change our bad habits and
learn to give each other VOICE
with respect.


Kelley said...

Jodi - I think that's great. I really can't wait to attend Empowered to Connect!

Sharon said...

Awesome. I love that! A friend of mine gave me some similar advice a few years ago-thanks for bringing that back to me!


Blog Widget by LinkWithin