Okay, so we have been through two very successful China adoptions! We were given as much information as possible on their past. Though the information seems miniscule compared to what we experience with our biological kiddo's. The joy we felt when we were surprised immediately when Brady was born and the Dr. said, "It's a boy!" and then they weighed him - a big boy! And when Kenzie was born, and she was in her bassinet a few feet away from me - she cried, and I said. "It's okay Kenzie, Mommy is here and she stopped crying." Or when Conner was born and he immediately pee'd on the Dr. (lovely!)
Though we don't have this kind of information, we are incredibly thankful for the information that we have on Jorja and Jailyn. We know where they were found within 24 hours of birth, we know where they were found, we were able to visit their orphanage family. We are even in contact with some of their friends from their orphanages.
But, as we move forward with the adoption of our boys in Ethiopia, my heartaches. The Ethiopia program is very different then the China program. We will only travel to the capitol city of Addis Ababa. We will be able to visit the orphanage there, but I doubt if we will travel to their home town. Many of the children are relinquished for adoption because of poverty, and often this doesn't happen when the kids are infants but when they are 5 or 6 years old. These kids have had families, and have had to say goodbye. They loose part of their childhood, and are forced to grow up quickly!
A lot of families may keep the older child(ren) to help work and financially support the family, or they may keep the youngest, as they are still breast feeding... but the middle children - they are just too much. Not because they are not loved, but the poverty is too great.
How do I explain this to my boy(s)?
Will our boys be so scared to hold another momma's hand in fear that they are not being loyal to their birth mommy, or will they pull away from me in fear that I will also go away? Or will they hold on so tight, never leaving me out of their sight - so that I wont go away?
Will they test me, and misbehave to see if I will love them unconditionally? Or will they try to be so good and well mannered so that they wont disappoint us and send them off?
Tears flow tonight as I try to comprehend their pain. Pain I will never understand.
As I look into these sweet, painful eyes, I will never be the same after looking into them.