Adopting out of birth order.
Our social worker was not too happy with us when we told her that we found our daughter, and she was 17 months older then Jailyn. She advised us that it is already difficult for the "baby" of the family to loose their place in the family. But, it is just as difficult for the baby of the family to gain another older sibling.
Conner did well when we adopted Jailyn. He had just turned 8 years old, so bringing Jailyn home at 16 months was not tramatic for him. No real competition, we tried to keep the big kids lives as normal as possible.
When Jorja arrived home, Jailyn was so excited to have her sister home. She was so excited to have someone close to her age. Jailyn didn't and still hasn't shown any signs of begin upset that she has another older sibling.
Jorja, on the other hand,
has had a hard time trying to find her position in our family.
It's hard when she is less mature then Jailyn.
Though she is learning, there are still times that I can not let her hang out with our friends in public places, because she doesn't understand safety rules.
There are still things at home that I cannot allow her to do, again because of safety. It is hard being the "older" of the two, but not the more mature.
I do try to give her errands to do that help build her self confidence.
The other day Bryan, Jailyn, Jorja and I were at a meeting with our social worker, at Starbucks. Our table was a bit dirty, so I asked Jorja to go up to the counter to get a few napkins.
Jailyn also asked her to get a coffee sleeve for her.
Jorja came back with everything we had asked for and one more additional thing...
A huge smile!
Proud of herself!
Way to go Jorja girl!
Jorja takes great pride in her chore responsibilities
and is happy to do them!
Though Jorja and Jailyn are close in age,
and they look really cute dressed like twins,
but, we really need to work on helping them become their own person(s).
Needless to say,
our Social Worker still loves us, and is very supportive of us.
She has loved to see our family grow and has learned
that we cherish her advice, but we wont always follow it.
But that is okay!
2 comments:
We adopted out of birth order, but they understood, because Acer had had a Foster sister, and we have our Alex and cousin Brandon who are older and visit. Calli was used to the littles at Bethel, so they already had the dynamics in place. I think being a big sister was probably one of the easiest parts for Calli to get used to!
We adopted out of birth order as well, and at first our youngest was in the position of being the "big sister" I believe that giving each child their "place" in the family, and reminding them just how special that place is helps!
blessings
susan
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