It's NOT fair!!!

I am still processing this but I feel the need to share. 

As y'all know,

our Elijah has had a lot of issues with how he processes 

situations in his heart and his mind. 

This past summer he was diagnosed with Autism.

He does have many symptoms of Autism,

but is very high functioning. 

Unfortunately, our school district does not accept outside diagnosis -

and had to diagnosis him for themselves. 

Over the span of time as they evaluated him - 

they came up with the diagnosis "Emotionally Disturbed".

(which he had been diagnosed in pre-school a year and a half earlier).

The first time I heard the diagnosis "Emotionally Disturbed",

it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

What does that mean? 

And then there are the feelings of
 "well of course he is…

with all that he has suffered and struggled and survived -

how can he not be."

I would be more then Emotionally disturbed!

Through the first semester of kindergarten,

his situation has progressively worsened and become more intense.

He struggles to stay in the classroom,

his first reaction is flight,

his second is to fight,

and his third is to freeze!

(Dr. Karen Purvis poster child!) 

He has done all three to a level that has never been seen by our school district.

Whatever they have tried with and for him,

(and they have tried e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.!!! )

he has an answer for. 

We are having to make huge decisions for him,

and for his future education.

NEVER did I think I would be going through this with this sweet face.

But we are -

and we will fight for him,

and we will listen to him and
let him have a voice.

So for my temper tantrum…
and yes,
 I say this with kicking and screaming,
thrashing and crying...

It's NOT fair!!! 

It's NOT fair that this innocent child was left to fend for himself.

It's NOT fair that this innocent child had to completely grow up at 1 1/2 years old 

and figure out how to survive.

It's NOT fair that everything my son experiences is so completely terrifying to him

that he has to put up his defenses.

It's NOT fair that my son still worries if their will be food for him.

It's NOT fair that he can't just be a little boy without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

It's NOT fair!!!!! 

It's NOT fair that millions of innocent children struggle day to day

with the same issues. 

It's NOT fair!!! 

I beg y'all,
please pray and ask God,
"what should I do?"

and

don't be afraid to say
 "yes'!