Friday, July 12, 2013

They say, I'm lucky...

(just me trying to get inside my son's head)

The van pulled into my drive way.

Strangers got out of the van,
Mr. Y brought them to me and my brother.

He told us that these strangers were our parents,
our mom and dad. 

Mr. Y said that we were lucky.

Mr. Y had taken care of us since we arrived at
this orphanage so, 
I believed him and decided it was okay - 
I'll play with these people.
I'll even go away with these people.

I don't know what they have to offer - but it gets me out of this place. 
I get to leave the compound walls,
we'll see what these people have to offer. 

Leaving with these people was okay.
My brother came with me,
I figure brother and I can take on the world together. 

We took a plane to our new home,
met our new brothers and sisters 
and loved our new toys.

This new family even has water near by!
A huge tub of water - they call a "pool".
This momma lady - takes us there a lot.
We must be lucky! 

This momma person always has food for us -
so that is cool! 
It's not the same food that I had at Mr. Y's house.
(some I like more, some not so much!) 
This must be what Mr. Y meant when 
he said that we are lucky.

These people are pretty cool...
but there are days that I don't like life.

There are times when I miss my old friends,
and the things we did - 
like having pee-wars 
(this momma lady gets really upset when I play that game).

Everything smells different. 
There was a smell every morning at Mr. Y's house,
I miss that smell and the sounds of the roosters 
and people chanting in the streets. 
At this house I have to use an inside voice in the mornings.
These people don't like to play until the sun is shining -
I'm not feeling very lucky.
I'd rather play and be loud while I watch the sun rise. 

The daddy guy -
he gave me a bike! 
That's cool!  
They let me ride it on the grass and on the sidewalk,
they let me build a ramp to jump my bike from...
but they don't let me ride it into the trees,
and they don't let me ride into the cars. 
They make me get off my bike and rest when I 
run into my brother and new sisters bikes. 
Why wont they just let me play - 
I'm not feeling very lucky. 


And then...
they keep saying things to me...
like I'm supposed to know what they are saying.
Don't they know - 
just because I repeat what they say, 
it doesn't mean I understand what I'm saying,
and I soooo don't understand what they are saying -

I'm soooo NOT lucky.
I just want to go back to what I know.
I want to go back to where people don't 
care about me - 
and I can do whatever I want. 
Consequences... whatever!
I can take it -
it's these people who keep saying,
I love you.
I can't take that! 
What are they going to want from me?
How can they love me? 

I'm not feeling lucky -
 I'll throw the biggest fit they have 
ever seen! 
I'll show them! 

Stop telling me I'm lucky. 
I don't know what happened to my first family,
the family who looks like me,
the one with the same skin color as me.
I loved them.

If I love these people will they leave me too?

I'm strong enough to handle that -

leave me, I don't care!
ohhh but the mommy lady -
she does give good hugs!

What is a boy to do?  



7 comments:

Anonymous said...

My heart is just breaking right now for your boy - the pain in those words is so evident, yet there is a small glimmer that your love will ultimately triumph and all will be well in His time. Don't give up on him - being adopted when you are older is tougher than when being adopted as an infant or younger child. His memories are of "before" and you are trying to create "after" ones and the two are at war right now. Too bad you aren't zoned to have chickens and a rooster at your house! That would probably help a lot! Any farms nearby??!! We'll be praying for you all! ~Love 'n' hugs, Faith

dhm78 said...

Breaks my heart...when does this end??? Thinking of your precious family and praying. Please do the same for mine.

God Bless and take care,
holly

dhm78 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shay Ankerich said...

LOVE this post! What a great perspective and SO true!!! Need to get in our kids' heads more often!!! Lots to think about! Blessings and love!

Adina Henderson said...

Making me cry again.

The Gang's Momma! said...

Awwwww, the push and pull of adoption is so evident in this post.

"Push away, return me to all that I knew."

"Pull me in, I need you so."

Great post, thanks for sharing it!

elissa said...

What a fun post! I loved it! Sounds like my youngest!

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